
One thing about her is that she has learned to control the positive and negative around her. She just doesn't let the negative in! She doesn't watch the news or pay attention to current events. She only listens to KLOVE on the radio. When any negativity comes, as it does for everyone, she releases or hands it over to God. Today I listened to the amazing speakers she brought in and pondered on her ability to see beyond her diagnosis and into her future. I've often thought, "I'm no Ginger Johnson. I could never just 'will' my cancer away through positive thoughts and mindset."
The amazing thing is that she didn't prepare speeches for any of her presentations today. Three profound words hit me right between the eyes. She told the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. They refused to worship the golden idol. The king threw them into the fiery furnace. They had faith that God would deliver them from their afflictions, if it was His will. But if He didn't, they knew it would still be OK. They would hold strong to their beliefs and convictions, no matter what happened. BUT IF NOT.
Daniel 3:17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.
18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.We don't get to choose our afflictions or trials. We just have to have faith that God knows what we need to make us the kind of people he wants us to be. I think that no matter what "happens" in my situation, it will be exactly what is supposed to happen. I went and talked to her at the end of the sessions tonight and told her that those three words, BUT IF NOT, hit me so strongly. It's not my job to try to control my cancer. I can do all the right things, eat the right food, have the right mindset, take the right drugs, but it may go south anyway. That "but if not" coming from her was a great comfort to me, because in the end, I am not in control--even if I do all the right things! It's a comfort to know that I can turn it all over to God and let Him handle it. My job is to make the most of my time in between scans, love and make memories with my family. 💗
On the side effect front ... Ya know the nerve itching I've had on my back, shoulders and arms? I now itch constantly from my neck to my ankles. Last night was the first time the itching kept me awake most of the night. My legs drove me crazy all night long. I got some Gabapentin (sp?) which treats neuropathy, but the pharmacist told me it would help the itching too, but it will take about 3 weeks. AND it's one that causes drowsiness. As if I needed help with that ...