Cut me some slack!

In the wee hours of the 26th, I took my bedtime pills and almost immediately an intense pain popped up on my right side, just under my ribs.  I thought maybe I didn't drink enough water with my pills and they got stuck or something.  I drank a lot more, that didn't help.  I made a piece of toast thinking that surely that would push them down.  It didn't help.  I also got diarrhea right after that ... and it was bright green.  I knew something was weird.  I figured it was either a kidney stone or a gall stone. I lay in pain on my bed debating what I should do. The last thing I wanted to do was wake Mat up and drag him to Emergency.  Ultimately, that's what we did.

The fear I had was that I would get there, the pain would go away, and they would think I was crazy and paranoid. Which I am. That's what happened.  The pain was intense for about 3 ½ hours and then subsided.  They did an ultrasound and could see junk in my gall bladder, kind of "pre" stones I guess.  I explained to the nurse and the ER doc what else is going on with me, the cancer and a blood clot in my lung a mere 2 weeks ago.  And now this!  I was feeling picked on a little bit ... c'mon! Cut me some slack!  I told the ER doc I didn't expect them to do anything, but that I would let my team at Huntsman know and let them decide what to do.  I have another ultrasound scheduled at Huntsman on Monday, then I think things will get resolved pretty quickly.  I'm almost sure they will remove it soon.  I understand gall bladder removal is only a small thing these days, two small incisions and they scope it out.

Best Team Possible

I had a bittersweet meeting with Dr. Prystas on Friday.  She wasn't overly concerned about the blood clot because I started the blood thinner so everything will be fine.  I heard a couple of weeks ago that she was retiring, so this was my last meeting with her.  I didn't go into the appointment feeling overly nostalgic, my mind has been so wrapped up in the blood clot!  She did the normal exam, then helped me sit up. We both got a little teary and I thanked her for doing so much for everything she had done for me over the years.  It's been 10 years since I was first diagnosed. I knew that picking an oncologist would be the most important thing I could do.  She was the 4th oncologist I met with and "interviewed."  I knew I had found the right one.

It was Dr. Buys who told me about Dr. Prystas' retirement.  She's the oncologist over the Metastatic breast cancer support group I go to every month.  I knew immediately who I wanted to replace Dr. Prystas!  A couple years ago Forbes Magazine named Dr. Buys as one of the top 25 physicians in the country.  From our interactions in our group, the compassion she shows to everyone in the group, whether or not we are her patients, ... She is amazing!  I couldn't be in better hands.

Potential Hazard Averted

I finally got the results from last nights CT scan about 1:00 today.  I got a voicemail this morning from the doctor covering for my oncologist this week.  She says "I want to check in with you, please give us a call.  It's kind of important but nothing serious so don't panic."  SERIOUSLY?!?  She leaves me a message like that--and then tells me not to panic?!  Well, that's what I did all morning.  It was after 1:00 when I finally got results.  I tracked down Dr. Prystas' nurse who got the information for me and released the reports so I could see them.

I've had a pain in my back and side for about 2 weeks.  I was so afraid the cancer had spread to my bones (ribs) because it hurts when I breathe.  This is what the report says:  Acute pulmonary embolism is present. Emboli are confined to subsegmental arteries of the right lower lobe. No CT findings of right heart strain.

 I'm relieved to know that my cancer isn't growing again. It freaks me out just a little that a pulmonary embolism can be fatal, and I have one!  Metastatic cancer is among the risk factors I have.  I'll get more information when I see Dr. Prystas on Friday.

Thank you for your love, support, prayers and concern!  We love you!

Prayers Needed

This is a terrible time of day to begin a blog post (1:10 a.m.), but I have a lot on my mind and I need to get it out.

The last 10 months have been a breeze (except fatigue).  If you didn't know me, you would never know I had terminal cancer!  Since I passed my 2 year anniversary from diagnosis in September, I've had a really hard time.  Not because I feel rotten physically, but because I'm still fighting a battle in my head.  It is very difficult accepting that where I am right now is not even close to where I wanted my life to be at this moment, and I have little control of the outcome.  I say "little" because the only control I can have is mentally and spiritually.

I was reminded this week that Ibrance (the study drug) is effective at holding cancer back, on average, for 2 years.  I'm in my 24th monthly cycle right now.  That doesn't mean it's going to stop working tomorrow.  It just means that for most women, about 2 years is what they get with Ibrance.  How long will it work for me?  I have no idea,

I had my group at Huntsman this week and had an opportunity to vent and laugh and hug the women there.  I was a few minutes late and walked through the door with a big flourish and said, "OK!  The party can start now!" I've been thinking about the amazing women I've known through all of this.  Some have it way worse than me.  I've seen more than my share from our group pass away.  But they've done it with grace and gratitude and love.  They are/were roll models for me.  I don't want to be grumpy and sad.  I want to feel optimistic, hopeful and be at peace with my life.

I saw this at the Festival of Trees, I'm sorry
I don't know who the artist is, but I LOVE it!

The thing I stress about most is being in pain.  I don't want to be in pain!  But that kinda comes with cancer.  I have my scan on the 18th.  This one is a nail biter for me, because I do have pain in my spine and ribs on my left side.  I hope it's nothing.  I hope it's all in my imagination and I'm stressing for nothing.  I need prayers to get me through this one, friends.  Please pray that I can stay strong and have faith!