I had some of my gardening friends come and help me in the yard before we left for Kauai. It turned out to be the last nice day before the weather changed, I was so grateful for their help! Everything in the garden was cut down and cleaned up, we got the park strip done and some bulbs planted. I have a few more bulbs to plant, but the rest can be put off until spring (moving around perennials and grasses, finishing the picket fence we started, etc). We came home to cold and rain. I have to remember to be grateful for any moisture we get because we were in rough shape with water last year. I love my yard and I'm thankful for days when I feel good enough to get outside and work on stuff.
Some weeks are better than others. This has been a harder week. I knew I had chemo coming this week. I checked My Chart to make sure I knew the day and time. The brain fog is real and so frustrating! I have a hard time remembering the details from day to day. I knew I had chemo scheduled on Thursday morning, and an echo in the afternoon. But when I checked My Chart last thing Wednesday night, the appointment had been changed. What I figured out was that I was supposed to do chemo on Tuesday, with the echo on Thursday. Because I didn't show up on Tuesday, they rescheduled my appointment for Thursday afternoon. I don't care that appointments have to be changed sometimes, but could someone let me know so I can change it in my calendar on my phone?? If there's an appointment in my calendar, I'm religious about getting there, and I'm hardly ever late. That's a trait I picked up running my business for 15 years.
I went to my echo at 1:00, which usually takes about half an hour at the most. Thursday, the tech couldn't find what she wanted (which was ... I'm not sure?), so after an hour and a half, she asked if I could go upstairs to get my port accessed so she could inject something and better see whatever she was looking at. I was totally exhausted after laying on my left side on the edge of the exam table. I went upstairs to the clinic where I checked in for a port access and then I waited. And waited. The longer I waited, the more emotional I got. A couple in the clinic noticed my Inheritance of Hope shirt and said something about having gone on the same retreat after we did. Then he noticed I was on the edge. He asked if I had received bad news, I said No, I just needed something to eat and drink. I hadn't eaten all day. He got me some snacks from the front desk and gave me good wishes. I was so frazzled when the tech finished the echo that it didn't occur to me to have someone take out the port. I did remember to go to infusion and reschedule chemo because I couldn't have handled that after the echo. I probably could have removed the port myself, I've seen it done a thousand times. But instead I asked Celestia to come help me with it, which she was happy to do.
Today has been rough too. I tried to talk to a daughter about why we worry so much about her electronics use (*@#%&* schools, can't we go back to having the teacher "teach" and have them reading actual books, and not get everything of a computer / youtube?!?). Anytime I ask what she's doing, the answer is always "homework", but her grades don't reflect spending 7 hours a day on the laptop. She was angry with me all day, saying "why can't you trust me??" When I went to her room to wake her up yesterday, she had gone to sleep with the laptop open, propped up in her blanket. Yes, we have the "no electronics in your room" rule, but when I ask her to bring it into my room, she can't hear me, or doesn't want to hear me. Before you know it, I've asked her 3 or 4 times with no response. Adolescence (not adolescents) is overrated. I'm tired.
It's on my calendar to have a much better week this week.
