Monday, May 27, 2019

Grief

I was minding my own business on Friday afternoon when got a call from a cancer friend, Candace.  I've known her since my initial diagnosis in 2009.  She asked me if I'd been on FB yet and told me that our friend, Ginger, had passed.  I was dumbfounded.  She is the 4th friend since Christmas to die.  The other three were friends from my support group at Huntsman, they were my friends and I loved them.  But Ginger?  If anyone was going to beat stage 4 cancer, it was her.  She did everything she could to beat it.  Traditional treatments, alternative treatments, changed her diet, changed her mindset - not allowing her brain to even go to thoughts of not making it!  She had the best attitude I've ever seen from anyone going through what she was going through (it was way more than just terminal cancer).

Painting by Caitlin Connolly
Our cancer journeys have been on parallel tracks.  She was diagnosed when she was pregnant with her youngest, I was diagnosed just after my youngest was born.  Her kids are about the same ages as mine.  We both had 8-9 years before it came back.  She was diagnosed with stage 4, then I was diagnosed with stage 4.  She's one of the first people I talked to after I found out because I had to process with someone who knew exactly what I was going through.

I've had a crappy weekend.  This one hit me hard.  I've shed many tears, had to come to terms with my own vulnerability.  I'm not invincible, I don't get to choose the timing.  I've realized that I need to get my crap together and get my "long term" projects done ... because I really don't have unlimited amounts of time.  I've got to get my stuff done. I'm scanning and editing photos, digitizing everything that isn't.  I'm writing my personal history that I will publish like I have my scrapbooks, mostly text with a few pictures mixed in.  I have a couple other ideas swirling through my head as well.  It's all about leaving a LEGACY for our kids and their kids.  What will your legacy be?

Thursday, May 9, 2019

... another teenager ...

I haven't had a lot to report lately because I feel so darn good!  I had my group at Huntsman today, it's always great to see my friends, but always a bummer to hear about losing another one.  Today I learned that Pat, a spunky, happy, friendly woman of 82 died recently.  She was a regular at group, and so fun to be around because her enthusiasm was infectious!  She had some pretty tough chemo toward the end, a couple of the same drugs that totally kicked my butt!  But she smiled and laughed and 

I've been working in the yard like crazy, which is SO FUN for me!  I really do get my therapy in when I'm outside.  I had great ideas about what to do along our back fence . . . and then the puppy came home with us.  I'm not going to do anything in the back yard now.  He can chew on what's out there.  Our yard is perfect for him, we have two gates that can be locked with padlocks.  We have to do that because the kids go in and out and forget to shut them again.  So as long as he doesn't figure out he's big enough to jump the 4 foot fence, it's perfect.  If he does figure out he will be big enough to jump it, we're sunk!  He's growing like crazy.  I'm going to go to DI tomorrow and get him chew toys: measuring cups, wooden spoons, beat up shoes, stuffed animals, and anything else I can find!  McKinley has graciously donated a few stuffed animals to the cause already.

Spring break never lines up in our family.  McKinley's was different from Davis district, and Mat's was different than everyone else's.  So we just stayed home and worked on projects.  One thing I desperately needed to get done was a small retaining wall in front of our house, because I had a bunch of plants I needed to move into the completed bed before it got warm and they grew too much in the wrong place!  It rained for 3 days while Mat was home, but by Thursday the rain went away so Mat could start the wall.  I'm just not much help with that kind of thing, but I did rototill all the grass out of the area, clean it up, prep it with mulch, install lawn edging, etc. etc.  By Saturday, everything was done and it was time to start moving plants.  I spent over 10 hours outside that day, in my MOJO sauce, lovingly moving the plants from the wrong part of the yard to the front bed we had just completed.  The problem is I still have 6 trees to find spots for!  I could put some in the park strip but I don't want to do that until we've run water out there.  I predict that will be done by the time school starts in the fall - if I'm lucky.

Quick update on the fam:

  • Maddie is our world traveler, having been all over Europe the last couple weeks (from Amsterdam to Auschwitz-Birkenau to Athens).  There is a possibility she would extend 2 weeks, she'll either fly home June 3rd or June 17th.  She has LOVED her time in Russia, and we loved that she got some worldly experience before settling down into school and life.
  • Isaac is doing better.  He's calm and pleasant, if we could only get him to clean and detox his room!  As far as we know, he's stayed away from the substances that got him into trouble in the first place.  He would never tell us if he had or hadn't, but his behavior suggests that he has.  I've been taking him to counseling down at Wasatch Canyons (Primary Children's)  in Taylorsville.  It's made all the difference!  He wants to work full time for a few months and save up to move out and figure out what's next.  I remind him that he's only 18 and doesn't have to jump into college immediately--it's OK to take some time to figure out what you want to be when you grow up!  
  • Brooklyn is 8th grade and obsessed with choir/Mrs. Larsen, and junior high in general.  I don't know many kids that feel the way she does about junior high, but she's thriving!  She tried out for next years Madrigals and got in!  She is doing track, high jump and long jump.  They couldn't teach them high jump because it rained so much.  She's our tallest kid, but a scant 5'5" at that.  I think she's a distance runner, personally.  I learned that about myself 20 years after I ran track in HS.  I wish my coach had seen that in me and steered me toward the cross country team instead.  I might have never stopped running.
  • McKinley (4th grade) is more interested in being outside than reading and math.  She loves to get dirty, explore, help with stuff, be independent, walk and play with the dog.  She is cheerful, outgoing, and a sensitive kid who wants to keep everyone happy.  The girl drama thing is really hard for her.  Girl drama in 4th grade, it happens.  It gives us opportunities to talk about problem-solving and showing kindness anyway.
  • Mat's busiest time is from October to May.  I do pretty well through Christmas, but start to get a little impatient March through May.  It's ridiculous how much he works without compensation.  I hate news stories about teacher salary. ("Canyons raises salaries for 1st year teachers to $50,000") and then I think about 25 years of teaching, a Masters degree, countless hours of "volunteer time" and he's not getting paid a heck of a lot more than that anyway--not when it's averaged over 12 months.  How will those salaries trickle UP?  It's a touchy subject for me.  Don't anyone ever say things like "but they only work 10 months of the year."  I will reach down your throat and remove your voice box.  
  • Bentley (3 months)  Another teenager in the house!  He tends to go crazy right about bedtime, he just wants to play!  We're all getting better about stuffing something in his mouth when he's biting/playing.  McKinley gets upset when she can't keep up with avoiding his teeth.  I'm "alpha" so he does pretty well with potty and obedience when I'm home and on top of it.  When I'm not, it can be another story!