Grief

I was minding my own business on Friday afternoon when got a call from a cancer friend, Candace.  I've known her since my initial diagnosis in 2009.  She asked me if I'd been on FB yet and told me that our friend, Ginger, had passed.  I was dumbfounded.  She is the 4th friend since Christmas to die.  The other three were friends from my support group at Huntsman, they were my friends and I loved them.  But Ginger?  If anyone was going to beat stage 4 cancer, it was her.  She did everything she could to beat it.  Traditional treatments, alternative treatments, changed her diet, changed her mindset - not allowing her brain to even go to thoughts of not making it!  She had the best attitude I've ever seen from anyone going through what she was going through (it was way more than just terminal cancer).

Painting by Caitlin Connolly

Our cancer journeys have been on parallel tracks.  She was diagnosed when she was pregnant with her youngest, I was diagnosed just after my youngest was born.  Her kids are about the same ages as mine.  We both had 8-9 years before it came back.  She was diagnosed with stage 4, then I was diagnosed with stage 4.  She's one of the first people I talked to after I found out because I had to process with someone who knew exactly what I was going through.

I've had a crappy weekend.  This one hit me hard.  I've shed many tears, had to come to terms with my own vulnerability.  I'm not invincible, I don't get to choose the timing.  I've realized that I need to get my crap together and get my "long term" projects done ... because I really don't have unlimited amounts of time.  I've got to get my stuff done. I'm scanning and editing photos, digitizing everything that isn't.  I'm writing my personal history that I will publish like I have my scrapbooks, mostly text with a few pictures mixed in.  I have a couple other ideas swirling through my head as well.  It's all about leaving a LEGACY for our kids and their kids.  What will your legacy be?