Just read it. I can't think of a title.

A couple of nights ago, I found this picture as I was going through prints that need to be digitized still. This never ended up on our wall because while I love it, it was too painful a reminder of what we had endured. This is from the photo session for McKinleys first birthday.  Pretty decent for Target! We got some other good shots of her, always with faint worry lines and a little melancholy on her face.

Man, we've been through a lot. Revisiting these pictures brings back all the emotion of that first diagnosis.  At that time I never thought I would be back here.  I planned on the normal, run-of-the-mill life I had always imagined. I'm grateful for those "cancer-less" years where we could be normal.  The cancer of the past wasn't returning because I had done everything I needed to do, with the help of an amazing team.

So many blessing have come along the way.  It's hard to say how many times the right people and the right resources have dropped into our laps. It's so evident it was/is that Heavenly Father had our backs.  I forget sometimes, I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I try to carry it by myself.  I forget to rely on Him whose strength and love have gotten us through so much.  Today a friend said after seeing this picture of McKinley, "Wow. You're amazing!  I don't know how you've dealt with that with such positiveness!"  I told her I didn't know how I did it either, then said "God is how." I'm not amazing. Heavenly Father/Mother/Christ/the Atonement is amazing!

My current struggle is extreme fatigue.  I've mentioned it a couple of times, but more and more days in the recent past I struggle to get out of bed, or to function on a basic level.  I sent my oncologist a message last night and told her that I couldn't go another week like I am.  I requested either a dosage drop in the study drug (that's what is causing the fatigue - my body is maxing out on its toxicity) or a prescription for Ritalin or something similar.  Believe it or not, that is one way they treat fatigue in cancer patients!  And since I've always had untreated ADD, it may actually help me organize thoughts, think of words I'm trying to say and have coherent conversations! I told her my preference was the ADD medication because I hate to do anything that could alter my stable state right now. She'll get back to me tomorrow!  🌳🌲 Which is a good thing because yesterday I bought 3 more trees and 17 perennials and shrubs that need to be planted.  I think all I need to finish the yard, REALLY finish the yard, is 2 or 3 more trees and 7 or 8 shrubs.  And more perennials.  No big deal.  😂