Long time ...

I haven't written in a while, I didn't think I had anything noteworthy going on.  It's been a pretty average month!  Nothing has changed with my health, I feel great most of the time!  I asked my doctor for a prescription of Ritalin because I was so dang tired all the time.  That has really helped a lot!  I feel like I can set out in the morning to get a few things done and get most of it done. Last time I picked up the prescription, I thought how ironic it was that I have to show my drivers license for the drug that keeps me awake during the day, AND for the drug that puts me to sleep at night.  😂

I got a text from the PTA at the junior high asking if I saw an email from them about the Student of the Month breakfast.  It had gone to my junk folder, I'm glad she texted me!  Brooklyn was nominated by one of her teachers this month, so me and Mat went to the breakfast.  Her teacher praised her for being a great kid, being kind to others, etc. etc.

She really is a terrific kid.  She keeps us on the straight and narrow.  She gets super annoyed with us when we watch TV.  The piano and the TV are both in the living room, and a puppy chewed the headphones we had.  So if we're watching TV, she can't play the piano.  I really love how she's just picked up the piano on her own.  She did have lessons as a younger kid for a short time.  About a year ago, she sat down and started practicing/playing simplified hymns, and she's just progressed from there.  I asked her if she wanted to start lessons again. She declined because she "doesn't like it when people tell her what to do" and she doesn't want to do recitals.  So funny!

I got my hair cut super short, it was a little shocking but I'm getting used to it.  I got tired of having a patch of frizz on the left side of my head, the wavy wings on the back of my head, and the wave in my bangs that didn't want to be managed.  Honestly, all I've ever wanted was perfectly wavy hair.  But it grows SO slow and I couldn't stand it any longer.  You can see the left side of my head, the hair sticks out because it is still frizzy.  It looks like bed head on that side.  😁  Anyway, it will evolve as it grows out a little.

My friend Tammy saved me when she suggested we rearrange the furniture in our living room.  The room is an awkward space because we lost some of it when we extended the kitchen.  We always had the dang love seat on the far side of the room because that's where it landed after we moved in.  There was another way to do it, and it feels so much better now!  She found (I bought) a couple of chairs to put in front of the windows, and when the Christmas tree is gone, we'll find a little table to put between the chairs.  We're going to mount the TV and I need to rearrange artwork, but SO. MUCH. BETTER.


Here is my Christmas tree.  I have so much fun decorating the tree!  It is MY tree, I designed it, and every ornament was hand picked by me.  I learned so much about designing and putting together a Christmas tree working in Floral Services a few years ago.  If we ever finish the basement, the kids will have a tree in the family room down there.

My next scan is December 18th.  I have no reason to think the results will change but my anxiety levels definitely go up the week or two before.  I noticed on my palbocyclib (the study drug) record that I am in my 24th cycle on the study.  I'm SO grateful I got on the study (because 50% of patients who met the requirements for it, didn't get it).  I might have always wondered if the study drug could have made a difference.  This way, I know we are doing absolutely everything we can, with every resource we have available to us, to fight this dreadful disease that I hate. The acupuncture and the therapy sessions help too.  I have an amazing team at Huntsman!



I found this quote at Hobby Lobby this week, and I really love it! You never know what the people around you are going through.  I think if we can do these four things, we can be a blessing to those around us.  Everyone fights a hard battle!  A dear friend of mine just lost her 22 year old son to suicide.  Another friend is dealing with a child who is abusing drugs and running amuck.  Another friend is dealing with a family members pornography problem.  Another friend has a daughter struggling with anorexia.  I have a friend (younger than me) who has dealt with chronic pain from arthritis most of her adult life.  I have a friend with a child who is disabled.  My cousin is dealing with her own serious breast cancer battle.  There is anxiety, illness, depression, loneliness, isolation, addiction all around us.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed about how to say prayers for people when I have so many people I love that I'm concerned about!  Sometimes I just say, "Heavenly Father, you know who I am worrying about - please bless them all with the things they need to get through their trials!" And I hope He is OK with that because sometimes that is the best I can do.  Sometimes I try to carry my own burden by myself. I fool myself into thinking that I can somehow control the outcome, that I know better than God does. I don't. This is what me and my family need, to learn whatever it is we are supposed to learn.  Cancer has changed me.  I'm more aware of how I use my time, I'm more tuned in to how Mat and the kids are processing all of this.  I've learned to set boundaries.  I had to let go of people that pulled me down emotionally and spiritually. I've seen so much charity offered on our behalf. I don't regret cancer for a minute.  It's hard! But hard things make us strong.

A few weeks ago, Mat said that every Sunday he wanted to have a "hard" conversation.  He wants to be able to talk about the things we need to take care of, get arranged, plan out. We've talked about my life insurance and what I want him to do with it. First and foremost, I want him to take an ENTIRE year off work. Second, I want him to pay off the house as much as he can. When you're healthy, you don't think you'll ever need life insurance.  I'm sure glad we found Dave Ramsey in 2008 and bought us both policies!  I got my first cancer diagnosis in 2009.  I would never have been approved if I had already been diagnosed.  I wish my policy was double or triple what it is (hindsight 20-20), but Mat can do a lot with the amount I do have.  We've talked about purchasing two cemetery plots in Bountiful City Cemetery.  They are actually cheaper than I thought, but I haven't read the fine print yet. There is a lot to think about, and that's as far as we are right now.  But Sunday we'll take on a new topic and slowly get things figured out. I'm a bit of a control freak and like to think through and take control of all the details (like writing my own obituary), and leave the family with as little to worry about as possible.  Anyway, lots of work to do still and I have a whole list of "Legacy Projects" I have to finish before I go -- so I may just live forever!

I need to thank so many people for doing what you've done to help make all of this easier on us.  From messages of encouragement on FB to bringing dinner every Thursday for well over a year (you know who you are!) to lunches and dinners out, to spontaneous visits, to watching the dog so we can go out of town . . . we've been blessed in so many ways.  WE LOVE YOU ALL!