How am I?

 For my birthday, I told Mat all I wanted to do was go see the friends I don't see very often!  I have a long way to go still, but today I saw one of my favorite mission companions, Wanda (Rhoades) Murphy.  She lives in Tridell (a little bit east of Vernal and Roosevelt).  I haven't seen her in a couple years, at least! 

She was seriously the BEST mission companion anyone could ask for.  We got along so well, we made everything fun, and laughed a lot together!  There are so many funny photos I could post, but that would only be interesting to a small number of people, so I refrain.  😂  She made a yummy lunch for us, along with a fantastic cake for dessert.  We caught each other up on our families and what's happening in our lives.  It was a great time!  On my 3 hour drive home, I was thinking about my mission, and how I felt at that time I could conquer the world.  Oh, and I tried!  It was the scariest, bravest, best thing I had done to that point in my life.  I learned that great, worthwhile, life-changing things don't come without hardship and disappointment.  I loved (most of) my companions, I loved the German people, their food (with the exception of pickled herring, and stollen - Christmas fruit cake) and learning to speak their language. 

This was a nightly ritual for us ... how we let
loose after a long day of tracting or street contacting.

Oh, that big hair from the 90's! I hope
that's a trend that never comes back.

And then I thought about how much has changed in 30 years. I thought about the great things that have happened, and the hard things.  Everyone wants to know how I'm doing, I always say "I'm gooood?" kind of with a question mark.  My life isn't simple and straightforward.  Some days really suck.  Most days are just OK, some days I feel upbeat and positive. Some days I resent being handed this trial. Some days I'm angry that my kids and Mat have to navigate and process this too. Some days chemo fatigue sets in. I just want to remember what feeling "normal" felt like.  So, when you ask me how I am, know that it's a loaded question with an answer that changes from hour to hour.

In a strange, twisted way, I'm grateful for cancer because I've learned so much and gained (and lost) so many friends I wouldn't have known otherwise.  I've learned volumes from those who navigate the same hardships I do everyday, and from those who were taken too soon, about living with grace and gratitude. Love your people.  Don't take anything for granted.  Be grateful for every day because what you have today may not still be around tomorrow.  I have the best possible team at Huntsman working to keep me alive and sane for as long as possible.  I can't ask more than that.