Scan Results

I've had a mildly nerve-racking time since my last scan found, what I would call, significant progression from my ribs on the left and into my chest wall.  I think 5 cm is pretty significant, considering my early tumors were measured in mm.  That is why I haven't updated for a while, just too much, too tender and scary!

Since I last wrote we had family pictures taken (because I have hair, but I'm never sure when/if that will change!).  I was kind of bummed because I wanted to get "outside" pictures, but the weather that day was not going to cooperate.  We ultimately decided to go for inside at the state capitol.  I can't wait to see the pictures!  

We had a great Christmas, pretty low key and relaxed.  We don't ever go too crazy at Christmas but the kids were happy with our day.  Kids helped me make dinner (honey baked ham, au gratin potatoes, and rotkohl (red cabbage side dish).  I've never made rotkohl before, but the recipe I found turned out awesome!  I'd say very close to what I was used to in Germany.  I'll definitely make it again and again.

I've been dreading this week because I had all my scans yesterday, saw Dr. Buys today and have chemo on Friday.  I've wished and hoped and prayed that Kadcyla has made a difference, especially in my chest wall!  Yesterday, after drinking the radioactive "berry smoothie" for the CT, my body reacted in a way it never has before (GI distress came on way earlier, before I even finished all the tests and left the hospital). When you walk in cancer shoes, you never know what to expect.  So when the unexpected happens, you have to roll with it.

My scan reports came late last night, so I had already read through everything before I saw Dr. Buys.  My initial reaction was "mixed", some good news, some bad.  Here's the summary.

• the abdomen/pelvis CT scan showed no evidence of anything changing
• the bone scan showed progression farther down my femur on the left side
• the chest CT showed "interval resolution of the anterior chest wall mass, increased sclerosis of the left fourth rib, a few small pulmonary nodules" 

Resolution, meaning that 5 cm bad boy can't be seen on CT anymore, with only 4 Kadcyla treatments! Let me clarify: just because they can't see it on CT doesn't mean there's no cancer there ... they just can't see it, so is much smaller.  I asked Dr. Buys if some chemo is works better in soft tissue than in bone - because why would the chest wall mass shrink so much but the cancer spread farther down my femur?  We're stumped, but that's the best case scenario.  They can radiate my hip/femur while not affecting surrounding structures. Radiating my chest could bring unpleasant complications to other organs in the area.  

I came away feeling more optimistic than I have been in months, even though it wasn't a perfect score.  Sometimes I still can't fathom where I am, with a terminal disease that could turn on a dime at any moment.  Except for the week after chemo, I feel pretty normal (though always fatigued) and can accomplish things, and no one in public would look at me and think I was sick.  That's the irony, right?  How could I have a disease that will kill me sooner than later, when I look totally healthy to people who don't know me?  

So, in the meantime, I try to make the most of my time.  I'm chipping away at the legacy projects I want to complete for my family.  I feel re-energized after going to see "Journal for Jordan" with Mat.  It's a true story about a military dad, his girlfriend and their son.  The girlfriend gave him a journal before he was deployed so he could write down wisdom for their son while he was gone, which he did.  And then the Dad died from a roadside bomb.  They sent the journal home with his other things - what a treasure for that boy who knew more about his Dad than many people do.  I would never have thought at this point in my life that I needed to do a very similar thing, but here I am ... doing it.

I just have to share a picture of this.  This is my Moms house in 
Kaysville.  She sold it in 2016.  It's a small, brick bungalow built in the 50's,
in a neighborhood surrounded by other small houses built in the 50's.
This is what the contractor / architect came up with? 
Unbelievable!!!