The Question

 A few nights ago, my mind was swirling around a million miles a minute with worry about my tumor marker. I stayed up way too late watching reels and shorts trying to distract myself, took all the regular pills I take to knock me out so I can sleep. I looked at the clock just after 4 a.m., still trying to work through the hard stuff.

I remember years ago in our support group, Dr. Buys said that there is a question we can ask “in code” to find out our prognosis based on what we’ve done and what can be done still. Sometimes it is hard for cancer patients to finish the question. The question is “Would you be surprised?” Would you be surprised if I was still here in a year? Would you be surprised if I didn’t make it another year?

So I got on My Chart about 4:30 a.m. and sent her a message. I told her how concerned I was about the jump in my tumor marker … and I wanted to ask her that dreaded question. She responded that she wouldn’t be surprised if I was still alive in a year, and wouldn’t be surprised if I had died in the next year.

The cancer came back so quickly in my liver, and dramatically with 2 golf ball sized tumors in there. She’s concerned about the tumor marker going up so high instead of going lower. It’s a question of whether Doxil has the chops to kill my cancer. The sad thing is that it’s just more waiting for the next scans in July, no concrete answers until then. There are other options besides Doxil that could come after. More Taxol, eribulin, navelbine, etc. Obviously keep your eyes peeled for more information. As it comes in, I’ll post it here.