Update from Mat

 Okay this is Mat here, commandeering Kim's Blog updates to give you all an update as she really hasn't been up to it the last little while.

After our delightful Phoenix trip we continued on her rest weeks from Chemo. We were given tickets to the Tab choir concert, which she didn't end up feeling up to, but Brooklyn and I loved it. A few days later we did go to Peter Breinholt's Christmas concert which was awesome awesome, and she got to talk to him afterwards. I introduced her again to him as his 'Cardiac Arrest Fan', and he immediately remembered and was glad to see her.

The next week was also a break from chemo week, but there was simply not much recovery going on. We kept coming close to having another fall as she was getting more unstable and light-headed. Plus with all the fatigue and long rests she was taking it just wasn't feeling like she could tolerate more treatment. The morning of Dec 22 (Friday), we went in to see her doctor. As we checked in Kim immediately said to the receptionist: "This is my last one- no more chemo". When her fabulous doctor came in to the clinic room she immediately hugged Kim, and we discussed for a minute the options of going on, and Kim repeated, "no, I'm done". I think her doctor both knew we would decide that and agreed, yet she would have done whatever we wanted. But pushing for more time through more chemo would have most likely resulted in harder and harder side affects. So in that moment I think all of us felt good about that decision and felt grateful to be leaving without an infusion.

And then we got home and the emotions of passing that milestone hit us. The rest of that day into Saturday were hard emotionally, and then more health concerns seemed to pop up. Pain, nausea, unsteadiness, no appetite, constipation, waking up in the night, etc., all hit at once. By Sunday it was obvious to us both that I could no longer do it all, and we texted a good friend who works for a hospice company. Kim's speech is even a little slurred right now, but I am hopefull that with hospice's help we can even out these symptoms and have a much more peaceful time. Our previous experience with hospice was so good, and I'm hopeful the shifted focus from treatment to quality of life care will really help for the time we have left.

One thing the doctor went over with us is that with the 1-2 tumors in her liver their size is actually a good thing. Instead of lots of little tumors gumming up the whole liver she has healthy tissue around the tumors that is still functioning if that makes sense. That holds the promise of more time. No medical professionals have given us an estimate, but her doctor asked Kim how long she felt she had, and she said "I think 2-3 months" and her doctor mentioned she often sees her patients call it pretty close. There have certainly been moments this weekend where my mind went racing to the idea that its imminent, any day now. But I think we have some more time with hospice's help, different medication goals, and support.

She will still love visits, just check with me (801-712-5018) and we can figure out the best time.

Also to end on a Christmas note, we did have a terrific Christmas day despite it all, where Kim gave our kids Monster Minki blankets that they can treasure and get a hug from her anytime they wrap up in it, as well as Shutterfly books she created of all the photos we have from their Camp Kesem experiences for the past 14 years! It was so lovely to watch them open those 2 gifts from their mom.

Love you all, Mat