What a day . . .

The day started out blessed!  I've been thinking I wanted to see the alternative medicine doc before I saw my oncologist, just so I could gather information about other treatments before I find out about the ones that will knock me out.  The earliest I could get in was next Monday, but Dr. Prystas is scheduled for Friday.  I stewed about it all weekend, and determined to call the other doctor this morning and see if it could, by chance, be worked out to get in earlier.  I shouldn't be surprised that he had a cancellation so I can see him tomorrow afternoon!  Heavenly Father is watching out for us and knows what we need!

I've sent emails to all of the kids teachers about what's going on, so they could watch for things in them that don't seem right.  Hopefully they'll have a healthy dose of patience and understanding too, if things are forgotten or lost, etc. etc.  Tonight I took Isaac for Parent Teacher Conferences, and many teachers expressed support and concern for me and him.  I was assured that there would be some flexibility, and they're willing to work with him, even the "mean" one!

Michelle called tonight, upset about something at the place she lives.  I talked and tried to calm her about her troubles.  Then she asked if I had results yet.  I know she's worried about it, even though I've tried to downplay it as "not a big deal".  I just don't know if she can handle the truth.  I've prayed for a long time (many months--long before any of this happened!) that I would outlive her, that whatever happens to me, that she can go before me (should I even admit this?!).

I'm meeting with the surgeon tomorrow morning for a follow-up.  I've assumed that I would get pathology results from him.  Tonight I started to panic about how long it might take to get results back.  Did I just imagine that he said pathology would take 48 hours, or was it longer??  I'll die if I have to wait longer than tomorrow.  It was another long, worrisome weekend.  I just need answers.

Tonight as I was getting the girls ready for bed, Brooklyn did something McKinley didn't like, and she fell completely apart.  I asked her if I could rub Serenity (essential oil) on her feet and back.  As I rubbed her back, she just stared at the wall.  I asked her if she was worried about something.  She lifted her head and looked at me, and said "You."  She lost it, I lost it, Brooklyn lost it.  This is a very hard time for us.  It's scary.  It feels unfair.  And I don't like it.