Venting . . .

It's been a rough day.  It was my "big" treatment, and it went just fine.  No issues, I feel great.  My BFF from high school (Sarah) came with me, and we had fun coloring and watching a movie with shared headphones.  I've been thinking about getting a splitter so I can plug in two sets of headphones to my laptop, but I never got around to it since she came with me three weeks ago.  We watched Shadowlands, which is such a tender, true story about C.S. Lewis who falls in love and marries an American woman later in his life.  And then she up and gets terminal cancer and dies.  "The happiness now is part of the pain then."  "The pain now is part of the happiness then."  It's really good, watch it!!!

I had a couple questions for my oncologist when I saw her this morning.  I can't remember one because the other one consumed my thoughts the rest of the day and made me so sad.  I asked her what I could expect in the course of the treatment cycles that will come.  She told me that we'll do the CT scan (December 6th) and then assess what to do.  It's looking like cutting back on chemo, because  the lumps in my neck seem to be totally gone.  The tumors in my liver are probably smaller too.

And then there's this cycle, where the cancer grows again, and then chemo gets more intense again, and then we do a scan again, blah, blah, blah.  But over time, the chemo won't be as effective, and that's when it starts to grow out of control.  I'm paraphrasing!  So, let's say she told me in the first appointment that I had 23 years.  Today she said 22 to 23 years.  She jipped me a year, and it hit me between the eyes.  Why is it, that in the 21st century, chemo can't just KILL ALL CANCER CELLS?!?  That's my question for when I see her in 3 weeks.  I just don't understand.  I'm not just relying on chemo to kill my cancer cells.  I take Copaiba and Frankincense, and have a host of supplements that I feel are helping me too.  AND I signed up for a clinical study today, so I have a 50% chance of getting an additional drug to help me fight my fight.

On the brighter side, I did two Christmas tree decorating classes this week.  The generosity of people, even strangers, never ceases to amaze me!

I went to Time Out For Women tonight, a gift from my friend Karin.  It was so amazing and inspiring.  Sometimes I have a little attitude about feeling like it's just a marketing event Deseret Book (which it is).  But the speakers and music tonight were AMAZING.  Tim Ballard, Nathan Pacheco and Sheri Dew.  Not sure who's on the docket for tomorrow, but I'm excited for it!  And, Geri T. was sitting two rows behind me, and she was with one of the cancer friends I met years ago.  Small world!