Being my Mom.

Me and my Mom, on her 80th birthday 

My mom was in her 70's and still feeling guilty and worrying about what she could have done differently about her kids making bad choices, or what she perceived to be bad choices!  I swore I'd never do that, that I would do my best to teach and guide and be a good example.  "Teach correct principles and let them govern themselves."

Motherhood is so complicated!  I'm on guilt overload tonight.  I had it out with one of my children tonight.  This particular child has some ideas and opinions that rub me wrong, and isn't making the best choices.  I guess that's just my perspective, based on the way I always pictured the way things "should" be.  This particular child isn't a talker, hasn't been for years.  So, bringing up hard things, sensitive subjects or trying to give council or advice has never been easy because said child isn't often receptive to any of those.

Tonight I'm wishing I would have had tonight's perspective, about 12 years ago.  I would have done so many things differently.  I would have asked more questions, I would have spent more time, I would have been more involved, I would have been more patient, I would have shown more affection and appreciation.  More than anything, I hate having these regrets.  I always wanted to "be more" and "do more" and "be better" at so many things.  I think that's a universal Mom thing.  As a young Mom, I think I did the best I could.  But then you're kids grow up and the storm starts to rage and things go to heck?  Ugh.