Nerves

Just a little update because it's late.  A week or two ago I sensed what felt like a sliver in the seat of my pants.  That's conceivable.  I do spend a lot of time outside doing stuff.  The last few days and nights I've realized that it is my nerves, the itch is spreading down my left leg.  The give-away was when I spent an entire night (at least it felt like it) moving my left scratching hand from my right arm to my left hip and back.  Again and again and again.  That's a little overwhelming, especially as it's getting more and more present during the day when I can usually distract myself from the itch by staying busy.  Why people.  WHY!?!

What do you do when you find yourself in a situation with a child close to you that is screwing up his life so bad, and you just want to throttle said child?  He got "randomly" chosen for a drug test at school yesterday.  We told him last night that we requested it, it wasn't random.  He was ticked!  Tonight the one Safari page he had open on his phone was research for "Molly."  a.k.a. Ecstasy.

Now, he doesn't listen to what we say to his face, so I'm not too worried he'd make the effort to find my blog, which is why I'm sharing this.  Why do we have to have these conversations?  Is there a residential drug treatment program where he can go until he's 23?  I'd be happy to pick him up on his 23rd birthday.  Do you remember when I wrote about the Shoshone Shaman?  One of the things he told me when we were speaking privately was that we needed to get him away from his friends.  I couldn't agree more, but to where? with what resources?  How much do we try to intervene when he couldn't care less about what we say or what he's doing?  How would we pay for a program anyway?  It would bankrupt us.  I pray every night that someone will come into his life at some point that can help him snap out of it and get his act together.  He has so much going for him.  He could be anything he wanted to be.  He's SO smart.  Instead of channeling his gifts and talents into a successful future, he's throwing it all away.  Why can't he see it?  Why is it so easy for him to justify the drugs - he can prove scientifically that they won't hurt him.  REALLY?!?

Tie the knot and hold on, Mama.