Surrender

I have no energy today.  I was up most of the night itching and scratching.  I made it to Sacrament but went home after that and went back to bed.  We were asked to speak in Sacrament next week.  That'll be fun!  Hopefully I can 1) get there on time, and 2) speak coherently.  

The thought of preparing Thanksgiving dinner this week overwhelms me.  This is my first time preparing this meal!  We're having ham, au gratin potatoes, rolls, green bean casserole, and pies (all of which I can cook in a crockpot or purchase).   My disabled friend, Michelle asked if she could spend the day with us.  I won't let her sit in her assisted living place with no family.  She'll be with us for dinner.  I'll do a little bit each day to prepare and should be OK.  It will also help that by Tuesday night, I will have a fully functional kitchen!

I don't do a lot of decorations for any holiday.  But my Christmas tree makes me happy!  My friend, Sharla, learned how to decorate them at Temple Square when I did.  She's coming to help me decorate it next week.  Can't wait!

This year, our tree will be a "winter" tree with blues, white, and a splash of red.
This was our tree last year.  This was patterned after one we did at
Temple Square.  I love the reds, browns, and golds together! 

The truth is, I have SO MANY people who are willing to help me with whatever I need!  That is such a blessing to me and our family.  Everything overwhelms me, I just don't have the energy to start or work through projects around here.  I considered teaching my Christmas tree class again.  It just seemed too much to pull it off.

I (we) have received a lot of love and support since my last post.  I'm grateful to have so many people concerned for our boy.  We'll get through this!  I don't know how yet, but our prayers (and yours!) are being heard and answered.  We'll find answers and solutions in time.  It's hard to know what to do, how involved do we get? My little brother advised me today to calm down, because he will too.  I still want to drag him in to rehab tomorrow, but I don't think that is the right thing to do either.  We need to make our home a safe place to fall if he ever needs it.  The only way it will be a safe place is if he really knows we love him.

Friends, if any of you happen to cross paths with Isaac, the WRONG thing to do would be lecture, judge, or belittle him.  The best thing to do would be to show him/tell him you care about him and LOVE  HIM UNCONDITIONALLY.  Don't let on that you know anything because that will tick him off.  He likes his privacy, even though he's posted stuff all over social media.  In reality, he has NO privacy.  He just doesn't want his parents/family to know what he's doing.  So, be patient with all of us.  I've carried a little dark rain cloud over my head for weeks.  I'm trying to improve, we're trying to work with and remember the girls needs, and we're trying to keep our (me and Mat) relationship strong as well.  It's a hard time, but by learning to put our trust in God, we will get through this.

I had a long talk last night with an awesome friend who had two sons do some of what Isaac is doing.  It was bleak for a few years, but in time she learned to "surrender," to turn her boys over to Christ and the Atonement, trusting that he would take care of them because they were His first.  She found some peace knowing that she didn't have to carry the burden by herself.  I forget that sometimes and try to carry it all on my own.  I'm a problem solver, I just want to "fix" it.  Sometimes, trusting in God is the better answer.