The last 10 months have been a breeze (except fatigue). If you didn't know me, you would never know I had terminal cancer! Since I passed my 2 year anniversary from diagnosis in September, I've had a really hard time. Not because I feel rotten physically, but because I'm still fighting a battle in my head. It is very difficult accepting that where I am right now is not even close to where I wanted my life to be at this moment, and I have little control of the outcome. I say "little" because the only control I can have is mentally and spiritually.
I was reminded this week that Ibrance (the study drug) is effective at holding cancer back, on average, for 2 years. I'm in my 24th monthly cycle right now. That doesn't mean it's going to stop working tomorrow. It just means that for most women, about 2 years is what they get with Ibrance. How long will it work for me? I have no idea,
I had my group at Huntsman this week and had an opportunity to vent and laugh and hug the women there. I was a few minutes late and walked through the door with a big flourish and said, "OK! The party can start now!" I've been thinking about the amazing women I've known through all of this. Some have it way worse than me. I've seen more than my share from our group pass away. But they've done it with grace and gratitude and love. They are/were roll models for me. I don't want to be grumpy and sad. I want to feel optimistic, hopeful and be at peace with my life.
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| I saw this at the Festival of Trees, I'm sorry I don't know who the artist is, but I LOVE it! |
1 comment:
I will pray and meditate for your well being my friend. Think of you often, love you.
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