Today has been a struggle. Reality is setting in. It will be many months before things are "normal" again. I'm not sure if we'll ever get back to "normal". The thing I struggle with the most right now is watching other people take care of the kids, especially the baby. It is the hardest thing I have had to do in decades to depend so much on people to do what I want desperately to do myself. I can't even hold her, she wiggles to much! It will take some time to come to terms with all of this. I know it will only be through help from Heavenly Father that I can get there. Please keep us all in your prayers!
I will need at least two more surgeries before I am through with this. I'm struggling with losing the rest of my lymph nodes. They only removed one last week where they found more cancer cells. My left arm has been numb and weak ever since. The nerves run through the muscle, nodes are underneath the muscle = nerve damage. Sometimes I can't get my left hand to the keyboard without lifting it with my right hand. When I shower or wash hands, I can't feel my thumb or the inside of my arm. It's like going to the dentist for a cavity and never recovering the feeling in your mouth. I DON'T want them cutting any more holes to remove more nodes!!!
I've been thinking what this will mean for my business. I spend a lot of time on the computer and hauling plants around peoples yards. I just can't do either one anymore. How will I adapt come spring? No idea. Maybe it's time to just close up shop. It'll be near impossible to reach our goals without a little help from me. That may not seem like a big deal, under the circumstances, unless you've been in my house and seen my dysfunctional kitchen. : )
As you can tell, I've had WAY too much time on my hands the last couple days. I would love visits and phone calls to keep me distracted, please! Even a ride would do me wonders. THANKS!
3 comments:
Kim,
Don't you dare give up your business! James can give you one-handed typing lessons and I'm sure there is a way to get the plants from point A to point B even if you have to ask for help and use a cart. If it's something you still want to do there has to be a way! Your knowledge of plants is still very valuable, don't forget how smart you are!!!
Hi Kim..I am Laurie Leonhardt, Mats cousins (Dennis) wife. I am also the PTA president over at Evergreen this year. My kids love the fact that Mr. Ulmer is their cousin. It's makes them feel special. I just wanted you to know that I am really pulling for you. When I received the family Christmas letter from Betty I was shocked to hear about your diagnosis. Betty told me about your blog and I have been reading it everyday. You have definately been in our thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine how hard it is not being able to hold your baby. Just know that the time will come shortly when you will be able to hold her again. The Lord promises that we will not have any problems that we can't handle. I know it must seem like you just can't handle one more thing, but hang in there and be strong. You will get better and look back on this time as a growing experience. You have a very strong attitude and I admire you for that. Just know that we are pulling for you from here. Just think in a few years you will be able to write about the Christmas you remember best (or choose to forget) and send it into the paper. I hope that you have a Merry Christmas. Love you!
Kim
I have been thinking about you alot, especially when I hold my little baby. My heart aches for you. I know you are an amazing person and you WILL make it through this.
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