Total Shock

It's been quite the week!  About three weeks ago, I went to my good friend, Diane, to get my monthly massage.  She's AMAZING!  She found a knot in my neck, and she worked it to try to get it to let go.

When I felt a lump in the same spot last week, I had a little panic attack (just a little one!) knowing that I would be seeing my oncologist on Friday.  She was concerned, of course.  She ordered a neck to pelvis CT scan.  Monday, I went in for that.

When I got my results back yesterday afternoon, I was devastated to learn that I have two tumors in my liver in addition to what is in my neck.  One is over 3 centimeters, the other 1.6 centimeters.

All the kids know, except McKinley, we will tell her tonight.  When I came home Monday afternoon, poor Brooklyn was standing at the top of the stairs with wide eyes that said, "Do you know yet?"  When I came home yesterday afternoon, she came into my room, and immediately said, "What stage?" I told her that I would need treatments.  She said, "WHAT STAGE?!"  When I told her stage 4, she burst into tears and cried for the next two hours.  She has in her young mind that it will be a death sentence for me.

I've been depressed and overwhelmed, and shed many tears in the last 24 hours.  But then, a ray of sunshine friend of mine, Ginger called!  She herself has been dealing stage 4 cancer for two years, and she gave me some amazing insights and strategies, which I will be implementing in my life . . . starting TODAY! 

We just happened to be in Switzerland this summer!