Lest anyone think I am always put together and positive and smiling, I'm not. I can't seem to hold it together tonight. Maybe I'm processing having to shave all my hair off a few days ago. Maybe I'm angry, or mourning, or both. I think about what we were doing just a few weeks ago, going about our lives, completely oblivious to what was about to happen--that apologetic phone call from your oncologist. I love her and her team, and I'm grateful they are on my team! But sometimes, I just need to be mad, and sad over having to go through this. I have to be angry over my family's suffering because I'm suffering. I let the tears flow tonight, we talked about it being OK to cry. Me and them! "When one door closes, another one opens, but it's HELL in the hallway." We're in the hallway.
I am ⅓ of the way to another scan. Six more treatments, and we'll be able to see if what we're doing is working. December 1st (Mat's birthday!) is my 9th treatment. A CT or PET scan will follow shortly thereafter. I can tell you already that the lumps in my neck are shrinking. I used to feel marbles up and down my neck on the left side. I can still feel something in there, but the marbles seem to be gone. The tumors in my liver are the wild card. What they do or don't do . . . ugh. We'll face that when the time comes.
I know there are so many people praying and fasting. We are so grateful for all the help we've received in this and so many other ways. You are our angels, Gods hands are touching us through you. We are forever grateful.
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