The roller coaster that is my life ...

This has been a really weird week.  I never got nauseated, and the other typical side effects haven't really been a problem either.  Did they gave me a smaller dose and not tell me?  Fatigue is always a problem.  All I've wanted to do is curl up in my soft blankets and sleep.  It's cold outside, I don't want to go out unless I have to.  There's things I want to do, but not enough to get cold.

Bonnie came on Monday and gave me an AromaTouch massage, yesterday I went for a foot zone with Charity.  I don't know what she does, but dislodging toxins makes me sleepy!  I'm so grateful for them and their willingness to do that for me!  It means I see someone and can talk and vent and connect.  It means more than I can express!

Remember just a few days ago when I was feeling so optimistic and philosophical about all of this?  I've been a mess today.  Once a month there is a support group for stage 4 breast cancer patients up at Huntsman.  I knew I wanted to go as soon as I heard about it, but felt so much anxiety today about going.  You never know who's going to be there, and what hard things they're dealing with, and contemplating that those hard things are likely in my future.  I went in the bathroom to try to pull myself together before I went in--it did no good!  I was emotional every time I opened my mouth.  I was impressed with how matter-of-fact they all were.  Every one of them is carrying a heavy burden.  Every one of them wants what I want.  To do the best we can with what we've been given because that is the only option there is.  There was an optimistic and supportive feeling in the room and I left feeling better than when I walked in.  When I got home, I climbed into my cozy bed and cried out the emotion of the day.

My last chemo will be Feb. 9th.  The one I missed because we were in Florida got tacked onto the end.  I will have a CT scan after that to see what's changed, a then new treatment plan will be implemented.  I'm guessing based on what I've heard others say that I will go in every three weeks for an infusion of Herceptin and maybe Perjeta. They have their side effects too, but every three weeks vs. weekly treatments make it sound doable!