Such a slacker.

Not today, but recent!

I'm sorry because I know people want updates.  Today is McKinley's 9th birthday.  My laptop is currently unwilling to update my latest pictures for whatever reason.  Otherwise, I would post a few pictures here!  This morning she ate the traditional birthday breakfast  - Sugar Bombs - or cereal whose first ingredient is sugar.  She chose Froot Loops. Tonight, she chose Costa Vida for dinner.  Then we went to see Incredibles 2, which I thought was just as good as the first, and even had a reference to Sugar Bombs cereal!  McKinley is such a great girl.  She transitioned pretty quickly from a girly girl to a soccer playing tom boy this last year.  She loves to run, play with friends, chase chickens, watch Studio C, and snuggle with Mom.

I've been really busy with my landscaping, which keeps me distracted from the incessant itching.  It's been a good month, as far as that goes.  I've had a steady stream of consultations and designs.  I'm placing plants at two homes tomorrow. They plant them, or at least I don't plant them, although I can plant them-I have planted many a plant in someone else's yard over the years!  I'm finishing a design Wednesday morning and have a consultation Wednesday night and then I'm done with everything until August.  I can start to think about the trip we leave for on Monday!

My next chemo is Friday, my next scan is the first week in August.  I can't believe it's already time for that!  I'm grateful I won't have much time to worry about it.  Trekking across the country will be a great distraction.

Guys!  I still need to put a team together for the F2TF (Fight 2 the Finish) 5K.  I mentioned it a few weeks ago.  See my blog post titled "F2TF".  Please let me know if you're available July 28th and can come to the race!  You don't have to run . . . or even walk!  Just come hang out with us.  😊

Chocolate Dome-A Classic Chemo Brain Story

I think I'll start with today and work backwards.  I'm kind of far behind!

I had my support group up at Huntsman today.  It is always so great to see friends each month to cheer each other on, support and help other process through things.  Today was great and real at the same time.  Several women are dealing with progressed disease, chronic pain or just the emotions of dealing with it in the first place.  While we had a great discussion, I left feeling a little heart-broken for my friends who are suffering more than I am.

There is a caregiver support group every Wednesday at the same time as ours.  Mat went for the first time today because it was the first opportunity to go since I was diagnosed in September!  I think it was good for him, although he probably thinks he's "OK" and "he doesn't need to process".  He's a dude!  Doesn't think he needs to process things!  He came home with a list of 12 things to make sure he's doing everyday, which I thought was great.

I had a consultation scheduled for this afternoon, I was a little stressed about it.  This couple is from Greece and speak with a thick accent.  He's a heart surgeon, she's an architect.  After Ken (retail manager at J and J) introduced me to them, he said "Do whatever you have to do to take care of them.  They are friends of Jerry's".  Jerry is the guy that owns J and J.  NO PRESSURE!

I got another referral today from Ken.  The last name is Skaggs.  Remember Skaggs Alphabeta?  Yes, it's that guy.  NO PRESSURE!

When I got home from group, Mat was already there.  I told him he should come to Kneaders with me to get a cookie or something so I could gear up for my appointment.  He declined because he had a cookie at Huntsman, and didn't want another one.  I said, "Fine!  I'll go by myself!" in a sarcastic manner.

See what I mean??!  Best. Treat. Ever!

When I got to Kneaders, I ordered a Chocolate Dome to go.  By the time I got there, I decided to go for the big guns.  Because, NO PRESSURE!  I knew it would be consumed before I left the parking lot, but I wasn't in the mood to sit in the dining room.  So they brought me the bag and I went to the car.  I threw my keys on the seat, opened the bag and saw there was no fork or napkin.  No fork or napkin??  How was I supposed to eat a "to-go" Chocolate Dome without a fork or napkin??  So I carried the to-go container in my left hand and walked in to get a fork and napkin, leaving my purse, phone, and keys on the seat.

As I approached my car again, I had a little panic attack because I realized I'd locked the keys in the car.  I saw a nice young women at the table outside and asked if I could use her cell phone to call my husband to come rescue me (all the while, holding my to-go container in the open palm of my left hand.  While balancing her phone and dialing with my right hand.)  I called Mat a couple of times.  No answer.  I called the home phone.  No answer.  I knew he was laying on the couch, that's where I'd just left him!  I called my neighbor Mary.  No answer.  I called Mat again.  He finally answered and I told him the predicament I was in.  So he left to come rescue me.  I thanked the nice girl for letting me use her phone and walked back toward the car.  I opened the container and began to eat the chocolate dome while I waited for Mat.  Because now I had a fork! And a napkin!

I literally ate almost the entire thing before I saw the keys through the clear container, hanging from my middle finger on my left hand.  I had them all along.  I realize now that poor girl was looking at me like I was crazy the entire time, like I was trying to fool her or something.  Or maybe she thought she was on some hidden camera show or something!  I'm kind of surprised she didn't just tell me the keys were on my finger.  Maybe she wanted to see just how far it would go, or maybe she was stunned speechless.

I laughed at myself as I got in the car, then called Mat to tell him what I had done.  I started laughing SO HARD that the tears flowed and my belly ached.  Sometimes, my best entertainment is myself.

We made it!

Little Pink - Sedona Edition

The Grand Canyon.  How have I lived all my life relatively close
to this and never got there?  It's way bigger than I ever imagined. 

We had such a great time in Sedona.  The non-profit, Little Pink Houses of Hope, have sponsored trips for breast cancer survivors and their families for years, but this was the first in Sedona.  I'm such a lame-o because I didn't take many pictures the whole week, but we had so much fun!  We were instructed to relax and recharge, and I did!  When we got there on Sunday (June 3rd) we met at a Methodist church.  There we met the volunteers that would help us all week.  When we walked in, one of the volunteers told me that I needed to go meet "that" family sitting at the table next to ours.  We were in the same kayaking group the next day and they had kids about the same ages as ours.

What happened next was magical.  I walked up to the Mom, Belinda, and introduced myself and told here we should be friends because we were in the same kayaking group.  So, clearly!  We talked a little about our diagnoses, our kids, and I met her husband.  We discovered that McKinley and her daughter Sophie were pretty close in age.  They clicked instantly too!  They live in Spokane, but Belinda is from Mississippi and has the coolest southern accent.  Her daughter Sarah talks like her Mom, she called me "Miss Kim" with the same southern accent all week.  We grew to love their family and will be lifelong friends, I'm sure of that!

The kids spent a lot of time out here!

We had plenty of room in this great house!

This retreat was a perfect balance of fun Sedona activities and down time with family.  Kayaking, including water fights, an off-road Pink Jeep (has nothing to do with breast cancer, it's jus a marketing thing) tour for caregivers, "survivor coffee" (we met at a coffee shop and talked for a long time-I was the only one that ordered hot chocolate), Family Game Night, writing workshop, Adults Night Out (kids went to a ceramic studio and got to use the wheel), an excursion to the Grand Canyon, AND they had a professional photographer to take pictures of all the families.  It truly was a rejuvenating week where we spent lots of time together and laughed and played.  Little Pink does it right, I tell you!  I found out at the survivor coffee from Jeanine, the founder of Little Pink, that they get 3000 applications a year from people who want to do this.  It's only been a few months since I applied, so I was shocked when I heard that!  How did they pick our application out of that many and get us on this retreat?  I think it's because we needed to be there.  We needed that time together in a beautiful place.  We needed to meet the people we did.  I am very grateful we got the opportunity!

Awesome Caregivers!

Part of the kids scavenger hunt,
they had to get a picture in a headdress!

Imitating Kokopelli

They had to find a genuine cowboy

Our Grand Canyon Adventure

The kids are surviving the hike and the heat

McKinley's buddy, Sophie Howes

Can't leave without taking pictures of flora!

Slacker!

I'm sitting here in the wee hours of the morning NOT sleeping. We've had so much going on, a glorious week in Sedona AZ with some of the greatest strangers who became amazing friends.  I do intend to share information and pictures from the trip, but tonight my mind is overwhelmed with one (OK, two) things.  I'm not sure I'm ready to get into one topic quite yet.  NO, we aren't getting divorced.  I just need to process through said topic and get it right in my head before it's out there for the whole world to see.

We're working on getting the condo ready to sell, and we're getting closer but it still takes so long to get all those little projects done.  I don't know where we'll go when we sell, we just about can't keep up with the market in our neighborhood that we love.  We've reminded ourselves over what should never have happened--selling the house we loved at a time when things were finally looking up for us financially.  And then ... Riverton kinda derailed the good stuff we had going for us.  More hours, much lower pay, kids running amuck. . . . ENOUGH OF THAT!  We needed to move back to Bountiful, and I haven't wanted to consider living anywhere but right where we are.  These are my people! My family! And I want to be close to them.  More on that later!

My real intent in writing tonight is just to vent a little bit.  The nerve itching in my skin seems to be affecting me more and more.  Itching is a side effect of my chemo, Herceptin and Perjeta. It's the worst in my neck, shoulders and left arm.  I started taking Gabapentin twice a day because it's supposed to help with nerve issues, and it has helped a little, but I'd say it's not keeping up.  I can take 3 pills a day, but there's a big warning on the bottle about it causing dizziness and fatigue, and I should be careful.  I take it at night and at breakfast.  So if I go up to the full dose and can't function during the day for the dizziness and fatigue?  What's the point?  That doesn't keep me as independent as possible.  I'm heading up to Huntsman Wednesday to talk to a pharmacist about all of this.  I need itching relief!

Some of the kids from the Sedona retreat, at the Grand Canyon!

Is it too much?

I've been so busy with landscaping and nurseries lately.  I feel like all my kids eat are quesadillas, tortilla chips and ice cream.  I don't get to the store consistently and usually have a good chunk of budgeted grocery money left at the end of the month.  By the time I get home, I just don't have it in me!  You know, that "mom guilt" thing?

One of the side effects of my drugs is decreased appetite, I've mentioned this before.  Sometimes, I just don't think to eat--I get clumsy, I trip over things or drop things.  Apparently you can see it in my face too, because people ask me if I'm OK.  Some days are just crazy busy and it's hard to slow down and take care of myself.  Despite having a water bottle with me constantly, I'm always dehydrated.

Yesterday I spent 2+ hours at the nursery pulling perennials for a job in Riverdale.  That was after spending almost 2 hours at the same nursery with someone I did a consultation for.  By the time I got lunch it was 5 p.m.  After inhaling a Sweeto Burrito, I dropped the plants at the house in Riverdale.  This morning, I went back to place everything out.  Thankfully, one of my favorite friends, Sarah, graciously came to help me.  (Just what she wanted to do on her first day of summer vacation!)

My favorite Echinacea.
Pow Wow Wild Berry

We got to the site and had to do a little digging/moving of old perennials to make space for the new ones.  Honestly, I could not have done that by myself!  Sarah saved my life.  The lady was really nice, could see that I was (we were) tired and brought us water bottles and set up chairs in the shade of the garage.  Sarah didn't sit down, but I did!

By the time we were finished, it was lunch time.  I suggested we go to Sweeto Burrito because it was close and I could get there fast.  When we were ordering, I kind of leaned against the wall because I got a little light headed.  The cashier looked at me and said, "Are you OK?  Do you need some water??  I'm going to get you some water."  Was it that obvious?  Geez.  After we sat down, Sarah asked me if I was trying to do too much.  Coming from her, I knew it was a sincere question.  I'm not sure!

What would I do with myself if I wasn't doing the only thing I know how to do this time of year??  I don't want to just sit at home.  I need to contribute to our bottom line, especially to help cover the Epic Summer Road Trip! But even if there weren't a road trip this summer, not doing my thing would make me crazy.  So how do I find a balance?  I don't know that either. I used to be able to handle it, but cancer treatments have changed me some.  I can't function quite like I used to.  I get overwhelmed, my brain doesn't work like I'm use to.  It's frustrating but it's my reality and I'm trying to deal with that the best I can.

My friend Laura always did the best she could.  She just kept going like the Energizer bunny and did it for 17 years from her initial diagnosis.  She passed away this week, her funeral is on Saturday.  She made quite an impact on me, and I'm so grateful our paths crossed!  I'll love her forever.