Is it too much?

I've been so busy with landscaping and nurseries lately.  I feel like all my kids eat are quesadillas, tortilla chips and ice cream.  I don't get to the store consistently and usually have a good chunk of budgeted grocery money left at the end of the month.  By the time I get home, I just don't have it in me!  You know, that "mom guilt" thing?

One of the side effects of my drugs is decreased appetite, I've mentioned this before.  Sometimes, I just don't think to eat--I get clumsy, I trip over things or drop things.  Apparently you can see it in my face too, because people ask me if I'm OK.  Some days are just crazy busy and it's hard to slow down and take care of myself.  Despite having a water bottle with me constantly, I'm always dehydrated.

Yesterday I spent 2+ hours at the nursery pulling perennials for a job in Riverdale.  That was after spending almost 2 hours at the same nursery with someone I did a consultation for.  By the time I got lunch it was 5 p.m.  After inhaling a Sweeto Burrito, I dropped the plants at the house in Riverdale.  This morning, I went back to place everything out.  Thankfully, one of my favorite friends, Sarah, graciously came to help me.  (Just what she wanted to do on her first day of summer vacation!)

My favorite Echinacea.
Pow Wow Wild Berry

We got to the site and had to do a little digging/moving of old perennials to make space for the new ones.  Honestly, I could not have done that by myself!  Sarah saved my life.  The lady was really nice, could see that I was (we were) tired and brought us water bottles and set up chairs in the shade of the garage.  Sarah didn't sit down, but I did!

By the time we were finished, it was lunch time.  I suggested we go to Sweeto Burrito because it was close and I could get there fast.  When we were ordering, I kind of leaned against the wall because I got a little light headed.  The cashier looked at me and said, "Are you OK?  Do you need some water??  I'm going to get you some water."  Was it that obvious?  Geez.  After we sat down, Sarah asked me if I was trying to do too much.  Coming from her, I knew it was a sincere question.  I'm not sure!

What would I do with myself if I wasn't doing the only thing I know how to do this time of year??  I don't want to just sit at home.  I need to contribute to our bottom line, especially to help cover the Epic Summer Road Trip! But even if there weren't a road trip this summer, not doing my thing would make me crazy.  So how do I find a balance?  I don't know that either. I used to be able to handle it, but cancer treatments have changed me some.  I can't function quite like I used to.  I get overwhelmed, my brain doesn't work like I'm use to.  It's frustrating but it's my reality and I'm trying to deal with that the best I can.

My friend Laura always did the best she could.  She just kept going like the Energizer bunny and did it for 17 years from her initial diagnosis.  She passed away this week, her funeral is on Saturday.  She made quite an impact on me, and I'm so grateful our paths crossed!  I'll love her forever.