Radio Silence or Crying

OK, I haven't updated in a while. It's easier to say nothing than to start crying.

I'll try to remember some highlights. On a good day last week, Mat and I stopped at Bountiful Monument to pick out a rock. I tend to lean towards the greens, found a beautiful specimen in the color Emerald Green. I've been looking for ideas online for the head stone design, and found one I really like except the cost for the rock and someone else's copyrighted design was 20 grand. So we'll still get a very expensive, beautiful rock from India (or somewhere). I asked my uber-talented, artistic sister, to design it. I asked for "similar" but not too similar. All of this has me wondering if I should just go find a nice rock in the desert somewhere (but emerald green!).

We did indeed get a visit from Elder Gong, which Brooklyn wrapped up nicely. I will just add a few thoughts. Kind, generous, charitable men don't come around everyday - nor would I want that because I married one! But Elder Gong epitomized everything he talked about in his conference talk on Ministering. I think in general he's pretty soft spoken, but he was very clear when he told our girls right off the bat that "this is NOT your fault!, then got eye contact with the other daughter and repeated it. He wanted to make very clear that they didn't do anything wrong to bring this on, and neither did Mom or Dad.

He said a loving Heavenly Father would never give HIS child some hard thing as a punishment for choices or mistakes made on earth. He talked about the bigger picture, how everyone will struggle with trials that seem too big to bear, but that's how we learn to rely on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to get us through the hard stuff. That's the Atonement. Christ was sent to carry our burdens and lighten our loads and atone for our sins. THAT's what it's all about. (Mosiah 24:14-16 - insert your name in there as you read it - pretty powerful when you personalize it to you and your life). My other favorite is Alma 7:11-13. The purpose of Christs life, to take away infirmities, temptations etc. so as to fulfill the purpose of the atonement ... at the end of verse 13 is where it talks of blotting out the sins of the people. It's all great stuff that bring peace of mind and clarity when your brains work like that.

I'm stuck in the vicious cycle where mouth sores and taste distortion make it hard to eat and drink. When I can't eat or drink, I can't make enough poop to push it through, it backs up into my stomach making me really nauseous and then I vomit. Then the cycle starts again tomorrow. I know it sounds like something you would all love to try, a real cake walk, let me tell you!
More to come soon.

Tonight we hosted our neighborhood Snack-n-Stroll. Fun, but people don't know how to talk to me and I don't want to be a bummer. This week I'm meeting with the SOS team (Supportive Oncology and Survivorship). Someone is coming tomorrow to help me in the backyard that has been completely ignored this whole summer. I'm shaving my head again tomorrow. I can pull it out by the root and not feel anything but a little resistance.