Well Mat here again. Kim has taken control of her destiny as usual and things are moving much faster than we expected. She stopped chemo and flipped the switch apparently to the next thing.
A raw, honest account of how I choose to live with stage 4 breast cancer
Thursday, December 28, 2023
Final
Tuesday, December 26, 2023
Update from Mat
Okay this is Mat here, commandeering Kim's Blog updates to give you all an update as she really hasn't been up to it the last little while.
Thursday, December 7, 2023
Activities
I'm so far behind, I should just start with more recent stuff. Mat and I have been looking for an activity every week, to keep us (me) busy and engaged in the day to day. This month we went to Audra McDonald, the Messiah sing-In, out to lunch with a handful of friends, had a chat with Dr. Buys about what I want treatment I want to look like going forward. At our last group, she came up and asked me what color my urine was (we're big kids, we can handle that word, right?). I'll tell you, anywhere from clear to dark yellow-brown to orange. All I know is that orange (and other strange colors mean my liver is failing.) So, that also means that if you want to "see" me, better come quick! There won't be viewing, I don't want people to see at my shriveled, most sickly state.
Saturday, November 25, 2023
Every once in a while a friend turns up in the most unexpected places and times. For Olivia and me it was first in our home ward, where I was obviously the superior one being 3 years older and wiser than her. But it really came together as young married people where we ended in a different “same” ward situation in Bountiful! We had boys that were about the same age. We started making lunches with each other when new ones came up that we wanted to try out. One day on her way out the front door, she exclaimed “I think we should be friends!” though I think that had already been predetermined by me.
Saturday, November 11, 2023
Chemo Skip
So, today I skipped chemo. My body needs more than a week to recover from the side effects of Taxol. So I took it!!!



Friday, October 20, 2023
All the Feels
I wish I could think about nothing. I'd love to go to some remote place and sit in silence for hours at a time-and it can't be my bed. I hardly ever wear a hat, what's the point when I'm this many years into cancer? BTW, 6 ¼ years. I just need to go as long as July next year for our 30th anniversary.

Friday, October 13, 2023
Amazing Friends!
Might as well do a post, despite it being almost 2 am! I have chemo tomorrow, but Mat is my driver, so it’s fine.



Monday, October 9, 2023
A Funny Thing Happened...
A funny thing happened while I was out dropping off a few things tonight. I had been at my friend, Sarahs, then went south on Legacy parkway because my next drop to my sister in NSL. I realized real quick that I pulled in from Hwy 89 to Legacy right behind my sister, who had been in Morgan with family. I know their car and that she would be driving, not Michael. I knew it was them. So I carefully tried to get their attention, to no avail. They turned into their neighborhood, but turned up by Wasatch Peak and pulled over on the side of the road. So I pulled up next to them and unrolled my window--then she saw who I was! She said her next stop was going to be at the police station, but it didn't get that far. So I followed them the rest of the way to their house. Funny: I recognized them immediately, in their car, but my shiny head and the gray Honda Pilot I've driven for years didn't clue her in. I told her she was going a bit too fast on Redwood Road, but I'd let it slide this time. When she said I should come back in visit again, I said "You gotta make it a little easier on me next time!"
Saturday, September 30, 2023
Best News Ever!
I just saw the tumor marker result from today’s bloodwork. 425!!! Down 335 from last month’s 755. That means Taxol is working to shrink those dang tumors! That doesn’t mean I’m out of the woods yet but it’s great news!
Monday, September 25, 2023
Cali!!
Mat and I are in Cali while Brooklyn and McK hold down the fort. I think they are so silly for wanting to stay home because we have a great time! They’re missing out! We’re at my favorite beach north of San Luis Obispo. We were here two years ago, the beach has changed with all the water/flooding they’ve had. We’ve had some funny conversations because we don’t remember things the same way! The beach has totally changed appearance, the terrain, the rock piles, and the spot where I spent hours sifting through the rocks to find the perfect ones, is underwater now. But there are still a gazillion rocks to be explored. That’s tomorrow’s project. This “lake” that’s now sand/land locked wasn’t there two years ago.
Sunday, September 10, 2023
Good God!
We went to the storytelling festival at Thanksgiving Point this weekend and had a blast! Even McKinley's head popped up off the wet grass and I heard her start to giggle about halfway through the night (be more open to being with us). By the last story, we were in stitches! I love the time I get with family when it's not too complicated to get us all together. I need to get Maddies wedding info on here soon. I will!
Last night as we drove to the Festival in Lehi on i-15 through Salt Lake, we drove through an absolute downpour with slow traffic, wipers working triple time, and we wondered how they would manage an outdoor event with several hundreds or thousands of spectators . The equipment would have to be dismantled and protected from the rain. We were coming down the hill into the waterfall amphitheater when we heard over the loud speakers, a message from a lady that works full time for the festival. She said that every possible news network, weather app and station was consulted, and there would be a deluge of rain right over the amphitheater between 6:00 and 7:00. Then she said in the most diplomatic and professional way, something like, "There are a lot of people here tonight, from every imaginable religion. I'm going to ask for one minute of silence, and ask you to pray to your God and ask him to hold this storm off until ... the show is over ..." In a show of solidarity, a silence came over those hundreds or thousands who began to pray silently. After that, I felt one raindrop. I kept my eyes on the sky and watched those rain clouds slowly move northeast over the next hour, around our location. God, in every religion, is a good, loving God!
Wednesday, August 30, 2023
Quick Update
Just a quick update. I think I told y'all about picking out our rock at the headstone place. Today we dropped off the art work? I don't know if that's the right word. So, I'll include the pictures here! Keep in mind these are our best effort to lay out what we want. The guy there will do up an initial, almost final, rendition for us to approve. Then they'll get started! I'm not sure that CS Lewis quote is the one I told Mat to use?
Saturday, August 26, 2023
Radio Silence or Crying
More to come soon.
Tonight we hosted our neighborhood Snack-n-Stroll. Fun, but people don't know how to talk to me and I don't want to be a bummer. This week I'm meeting with the SOS team (Supportive Oncology and Survivorship). Someone is coming tomorrow to help me in the backyard that has been completely ignored this whole summer. I'm shaving my head again tomorrow. I can pull it out by the root and not feel anything but a little resistance.
Monday, August 14, 2023
A couple weeks ago, Pres. Farnes called to ask if he and Elder Gong could come on a short visit yesterday. He was here for the youth event yesterday and wanted to visit a few families before the event. (I’ll finish tomorrow!)
Saturday, August 5, 2023
Exit Plan
I’m really tired so I should go before I mix up too many more things. And I’ll brainstorm some more tomorrow?
Thursday, August 3, 2023
Pac Man
I convinced myself early on that if I had to go early, cancer was a good way to do it. I could plan and prepare, you know! Intentionally accomplish some things that were neglected. My world was turned upside down in January when everything turned upside down, chemo wasn't working, tumor markers kept rising. While I feel "yucky" most of the time, I've felt the worst I ever have emotionally. The battles that rage in my head everyday are unlike anything I've ever dealt with. Our neighbor across the street asked me if there was anything they could do. I said "nothing". What do I say? What do I need?! I guess I could say weeding or mowing my lawn. Mat really can't do everthing. Though he tries.
Saturday, July 22, 2023
Kids & Support
Someone asked to see just our kids Kesem photos) Thursday night after my CT results came in, I was trying to hold back tears because McKinley was with us. I finally looked and her and said "I'm most worried about you!" (because she's the youngest). She said, "Mom, you don't have to worry, because I have a support system. Brooklyn has a support system has a support system. We'll be OK". She was holding my hand as she said it. The tears were really coming then, and I looked at her and said "where did you come from?!"
(I'm grateful Isaac painted over the questionable tattoo on his arm, but I’m not sure why his text is looking back at me backwards)
Friday, July 21, 2023
Scan and Results
I won't know anything else (what they'll do about it) until I talk to my doc. The only other thing is some significant sclerosis on my left shoulder. Keep praying please!
Friday, July 14, 2023
Vulnerable empty nesters
We’ve been empty nesters this week, with all 4 kids at Camp Kesem! Mat is kicking it on projects, our construction at home is finally done! We have a totally awesome new master bath, and a few other things our contractor did. We might have to sell a couple kids to pay the last invoice, though.
Saturday, July 8, 2023
Still Here
** Back in the day, there were two good-sized choirs at the university. One was A Capella led by Dr. Ed Thompson. The other was Concert Choir which I didn’t want because of who the professor was….not for me.
Tuesday, July 4, 2023
Today felt so good (not physically) because my good friend Olivia came and went to dinner with me. She was my first introduction to Indian food, when our boys were tiny people. I remember once going to Royal India in Bountiful (my first introduction to the place). I ordered, probably something boring like Veggie Coconut Kurma. When she ordered her meal and they asked what spice level she wanted. She said, "I want it hot! Not white girl hot, I want it hot!" She's lived and traveled all over the world, so she qualified to make that distinction. She's done a lot of great things in her life, like being interviewed for PBS's American Experience, teaching at a Buddhist University - in Boulder, CO no less. Her family moved into our ward in Kaysville when I was 16, she was a lowly Beehive - I knew we couldn't be friends. I needed to grow up some and have two kids for me to realize how cool she was. I remember her distinctly saying to me one day when she was picking up her boy, "I think we should be friends!" I agreed. From there we would take turns trying new recipes and inviting each other to come try new concoctions. The rest is history! My only regret from today is no pictures! Livi, could you come to my house for 3 minutes before you go home so we can get a picture together?
She left a family party to come back so we could get our picture together! I told you she is remarkable!!